..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
