Plan B is the new Plan A
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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