so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Im part way to drunk.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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