Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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