I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
