Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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