I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
