wanna go halves on a baby?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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