oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
