and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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