nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
this just has baby written all over it
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
