It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
as a side note pls kill me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
