Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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