we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize