She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
