dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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