cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
