Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
