There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The Olympian is in my bed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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