god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Barsexuality is the new black.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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