i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
