Nicole vs. Life
You can't motorboat a personality
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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