i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
