no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
try to milk me bitch
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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