Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
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