I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
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