i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
