I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
