We're facebook friends in real life
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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