Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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