I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
