Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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