my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
