If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
