I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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