i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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