Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
