If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
