at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
