Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
