we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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