you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
