I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
