I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
