There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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