Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
