Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
