I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
did you just send me my own nude
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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