I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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