Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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