Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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